How to Communicate With Shy Teenagers: Naturally Shy or Seeking Attention?

Trying to communicate with shy teenagers presents a challenge for parents, family members and friends, as well as teachers. Being shy teenagers is never easy for them either, as there can be trying, frustrating and embarrassing situations.

Effective communication with shy teenagers involves breaking through their wall of shyness. It may entail finding some way of overcoming their timidity, as well as their silence.

Communicating with any shy teenager means attempting to understand what is happening with him or her, at that moment. He or she may not realize how shy he or she is. Perhaps he or she is from a family where everyone is shy. Maybe he or she is the only shy person in a family.  

The first question that arises is why this teenager seems so shy. When a teenager appears shy and fails to communicate effectively with others, there can be a number of different reasons. Is the teenager naturally shy or simply acting that way?

Be aware that acting shy can get attention. It may seem cute or funny to the teenager, or others.

There may be other reasons why a teenager appears shy, does not communicate with you or others, or chooses to remain silent when most teenagers do not. Is he or she afraid to communicate with others for some reason? Is the shy teenager naturally shy, quiet or silent by nature, or is he or she silenced by someone or something? Intimidation, bullying and fear can be factors in shyness. What is his or her body language stating?

“Silence is more musical than any song,” wrote Christina Rossetti (1830-1894).

Silence can mean many things, sometimes good but at other times, revealing the truth about a teenager’s inner world. Does he or she seem uncomfortable or embarrassed? A shy teenager may want to run from others.

Approaching a shy teenager should always be with care, compassion and concern. Allowing him or her to enter into a loving, kind and secure relationship, as well as a safe environment, can help to break through what may be a painful experience for him or her. In other words, being a friend to someone who is shy can help him or her to relate to others more freely.

Many teenagers outgrow their shyness as they become older and experience increased exposure to different kinds of group scenarios like high school projects, sports or different things at which they are successful, like art or music. Repeated failure may result increased shyness.

Teenagers may be able to talk to others like peers, teachers, counselors, etc. about their shyness and become actively involved in a support group. It is a good idea to encourage them to talk about being shy, particularly if their shyness seems overwhelming to them. 

Being a good listener for shy teenagers may be the best kind of help or therapy that you can offer.