What to do When When the Death of a Family Member or Friend is Imminent

Dealing with the pending death of a family member or friend is seldom easy. In fact, when the death of a family member or friend is imminent, it can be devastating. With a pending death on the horizon, there may be a sense of hopelessness and helplessness for everyone.

Those waiting for someone to die may experience mixed emotions including anger, frustration and intense grief combined with depression. Some may respond to their fear in a fight or flight manner, while others become increasingly despondent. Those expecting to receive an inheritance may have a sense of elation, while others sense they will be glad to see an ordeal that includes long-term suffering, come to an end. 

Pallipedia, in an article entitled “The syndrome of imminent death”, discusses the signs and symptoms of a dying patient. 

Showing love for one another is probably the best thing that anyone can do for the dying person, family members and friends.

Support one another:

Taking a stand together as family members and friends is important. Each person is different and coming from a different perspective in terms of his or her relation to a particular dying person. He or she will perceive the pending death differently and often in a unique manner.

Respect, concern and compassion, along with an attitude of caring and sharing for the person who is dying and others, will help everyone to deal with the tenuous situation. Establishing a tentative, flexible schedule so family members and friends can relieve one another intermittently, may be a good idea.  

Avoid conflict:

When a family member is about to die, even the best of friends and family members can enter into open conflict with one another, though that is not the time or place for resolution of crises, familial, financial or other. Avoid conflict whenever possible, particularly around the person whose death is imminent. Allow the person who is dying to die in peace.  

Make preparations:

Final preparations for burials or cremations, wakes or celebration of life services, etc. must be undertaken and so it is important to know who has power of attorney over the dying person’s affairs. Legal consultation in terms of creating a will may be necessary and the dying person’s wishes observed, as much as possible.

Notifying a minister, priest or rabbi is appropriate. At times, a hospital chaplain may help the family members or friends make final preparations. Praying together for the dying person and for one another can help to relieve tensions and stress. Gifts, flowers or tokens of love may have significance in terms of building future relationships.

Thank the doctors, nurses and caregivers:

Saying thank you to doctors, nurses and other caregivers helps to give them a sense of closure. Avoid blaming anyone for the dying person’s status. They are likely to be grieving in their own way and experiencing a sense of pending loss.  

Final farewells:

Final farewells are important to anyone who is dying, as well as to family members and friends. Notify family members and friends and allow time for each person to say goodbye to the dying person, in his or her own way.