Adolescent Frustrations and Parental Expectations Regarding Boundaries: Continually Expanding Horizons

Parents and teachers often have to contend with unanticipated behavior problems, or outbursts of anger resulting from adolescent frustrations, one of which is parental expectations related to boundaries.

Adolescence is not an easy time for teenagers, or for those who are trying to understand what they are saying or doing. When they were younger, adolescents learned that they could expand their horizons continually and now may not understand, want, or appreciate boundaries imposed on them by their parents. 

At the same time, parents are simply trying to do what is right for everyone.

Understanding adolescence can prove beneficial in terms of resolution of frustrations.

What is adolescence?

Medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com suggests that adolescence is “the period between puberty and the completion of physical growth, roughly from eleven to nineteen years of age.”

Knowing what a boundary is may prove helpful with respect adolescents comprehending parental expectations related to boundaries.

Dictionary.com suggests that a boundary is “something that indicates bounds or limits”. Another definition of a boundary has to do with the word “frontier”.

Boundaries are significant in the lives of adolescents because they help to define limits, but at the same time, adolescents have innate curiosity and an ongoing desire to expand their horizons. While some adolescents are quite content to remain within the realm of parental expectations regarding their boundaries, that is not necessarily so for everyone.

Other adolescents instinctively respond in a negative manner to boundaries set by their parents. They may demonstrate a spirit of rebellion, partly because they perceive boundaries in terms of new frontiers that they can explore or conquer, with or without the permission of their parents. This has to do with their understanding of adulthood and freedom, as opposed to responsible adulthood.

Parental expectations for adolescents may or may not always be entirely realistic, depending upon how well parents and adolescents relate, communicate and understand each other. At the same time, parents have the expectation that their adolescents will instinctively understand why they have to set boundaries for them. 

Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

Boundaries are based upon trust relationships that begin early in life and serve to protect infants and children. These horizons expand as a child proceeds into adolescence. Trust is always a major factor in understanding boundaries. When trust relationships are broken, boundaries can seem meaningless to many adolescents. 

Peer relationships often result in confusion and frustration for adolescents, as parental boundaries vary from family to family. These may vary from child to child, in the same family.

How to cope with adolescent frustration becomes a concern in every family, at one time or another.

Adolescents invariably try to express their frustration in a way that gets results for them. Intentionally exceeding boundaries is only one manifestation of an adolescent’s frustration. Acting out, fighting, arguing or different kinds of bullying can be other expressions of adolescent frustration. Stealing, drinking, smoking or substance abuse may be making statements for frustrated adolescents. Some adolescents resort to skipping school or running away.   

Expanding adolescent boundaries as they mature and prove themselves trustworthy may bring about effective resolution, but at the same time, there is always the parental task of protecting the adolescent in question.

Parents are accountable and responsible for adolescents. Adolescents need to know the love of their parents, even when they are angry, upset or frustrated and realize that parental expectations with respect to boundaries are not necessarily punishment, although at times, limitations to their boundaries reflect disciplinary measures.

Effective counseling measures that re-establish parent-adolescent communication can help to resolve adolescent frustrations, as well as those of their parents. Mutual patience is mandatory in terms of parent-adolescent resolution. 

Adolescents have to conquer new horizons, but need to realize that their parents needed to conquer new horizons as adolescents, too. Somehow, they survived adolescent-hood and their adolescents will too.