Coping with your baby’s
separation anxiety may not be easy for you because as a mother or a father, you
are probably sensitive to what your baby is experiencing. While an older child
may be able to relay some of his or her anxiety or fear to you, a baby may not
be able to do that. For example, your baby may not want you to leave. In your
absence, he or she may seem to be inconsolable and cry constantly. What can you
do to resolve this dilemma?
Understanding the nature of
separation anxiety will help you to cope.
What is separation
anxiety?
“Separation anxiety is a
developmentally normal characteristic in infants and toddlers younger than 4
years of age upon separation from their primary attachment figure.”
Many parents do not see
separation anxiety in babies as being a normal reaction to their absence, when
in reality most babies do experience some anxiety or fear, simply because they
are accustomed to having their mothers or fathers in constant attendance and
subject to their demands.
How the designated caregivers
respond to the babies can determine the severity of the separation anxiety
reaction. Many competent caregivers instinctively know how to comfort babies
who are frightened by the absence of parental figures. They recognize the
symptoms of separation anxiety and are able to reassure the babies that they
are safe and loved.
What are the symptoms
of separation anxiety?
“Mild distress and clinging
behavior are anticipated for short periods of time when young children are
separated from their primary caregivers (attachment figures) in situations such
as day care...”
Parents often return to work
after babies are born and have to leave them with caregivers in various
settings. At times, grandparents or other regular babysitters are able to fill
in for the parents and that can solve the anxiety related problems. In
situations like these, separation anxiety is less severe, but it can still
occur.
Babies instinctively seem to
know when their parents are leaving or going to be absent. Some babies will
make strange immediately when placed under the care of others, but most babies
will relax and continue to play or drift off to sleep after their parents have
left them with their caregivers, even if they have been upset initially.
When should you become
concerned about separation
anxiety?
“Although separation anxiety is
normal for babies between ten and 18 months, you should consult your child's
doctor if her anxiety becomes so overwhelming that she is unable to do anything
without you by her side or if she's inconsolable even after you're long gone
from her presence.”
Because separation anxiety is
relatively normal, knowing that babies are with competent, loving caregivers
should relieve parental concern. In other words, parents should not panic.
When the separation anxiety in
babies is not relieved after a reasonable length of time, notifying the parents
is important. There may be things parents do that caregivers are not aware of,
though they meet the babies’ basic needs. For example, does the baby sleep with
a specific soother or comforting baby blanket? Should he or she be sleeping on
his or her side?
Simple measures often solve the
majority of separation anxiety problems, so appropriate communication with
parents about their babies can prove helpful. Most parents will not object to
receiving a call if their babies do not settle down after they leave. If
necessary, they will return to check on the well being of their babies, if there
are indications that the separation anxiety is severe.
Parental reassurance is
important to babies of all ages, as well as for caregivers who may be
frightened by the symptoms of separation anxiety. Babies sense when
caregivers are not comfortable when left with them, but spending time with them
while the parents are present, can lessen separation anxiety later.
Your ingenuity as parents in
conjunction with caregivers, may reveal many more strategies that you can use
to cope with separation anxiety in babies.
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