How to Offer Support to an Unemployed Friend: Sympathy Versus Empathy

Do you have a friend who is now unemployed? How to offer support to your unemployed friend without interfering in his or her life, may appear problematic for many different reasons. Unemployment can be a frightening scenario for anyone who suddenly becomes unemployed. Unemployment may have been on the horizon of possibility for a long time, but it still comes as a shock when it actually happens. If unemployment persists for any length of time, it becomes even more of a concern.

The article, “How really to help an unemployed friend” suggests, 

“You might feel helpless watching your loved one go through the difficult transition of unemployment. But you don’t have to be a career counselor or hiring manager to help.”

Consider the following guidelines regarding how to offer support to an unemployed friend:

Sympathy versus empathy:

When a person initially becomes unemployed, his or her first instinct is to turn to someone else immediately, perhaps a friend like you, to talk about what has happened. Your friend may be stunned and grieving about his or her job loss. He or she may have serious concerns about the future, including immediate financial concerns, the cost of living and the likelihood of other employment.

How you respond in terms of sympathy or empathy can be a determining factor with respect to how well he or she deals with his or her job loss and unemployment. It can also affect your friendship.

When you react with sympathy, you are actively engaging in his or her feelings and placing yourself in a non-supportive position, whereas by reacting with empathy, you are able to distance yourself and your feelings, as well as place yourself in a position where you are able to be supportive of your unemployed friend.     

Ownership:

Who owns the problem? Your unemployed friend owns the unemployment problem, so he or she is the one who has to deal with it, not you. You can be there for your friend as a concerned, caring and compassionate person, but you cannot resolve his or her unemployment problem. The onus will be on him or her to do something positive, constructive and pro-active in terms of finding other employment.  

Confusion:

When a person initially becomes unemployed, he or she may feel confused regarding the reason for his or her dismissal. This is an era of serious economic decline and high unemployment. Is this a seniority issue? Is the company or organization downsizing? Have there been radical changes in their technology? Do their employees require more extensive academic upgrading or advanced skills?

Has the person who is now unemployed become part of a questionable situation for some reason?  

Your friend may know why he or she has lost his or her job, but may not necessarily want to discuss it with you or anyone else. He or she may be upset and confused as to why the dismissal took place. Someone like your friend who is now unemployed, may have serious self-image problems related to job dismissal that will require resolution with professional counseling.

He or she may need encouragement to seek assistance from an employment counselor with respect to obtaining an employment record, applying for unemployment benefits, other job possibilities, etc. While you cannot resolve your friend’s personal issues, you can offer a listening ear for him or her. You may be able to give some excellent other employment suggestions, but he or she may not be receptive to them. He or she may need time to put his or her life in proper perspective again. 

Resume building:

Encouraging your friend to begin to move on in terms of other employment possibilities is a realistic suggestion. You can offer support immediately by helping him or her to build a resume that accurately reflects his or her academic background, as well as his or her training, skills, experience, etc. Starting to build or update a resume together is one way of being supportive and helping an unemployed friend, at the same time. It can also be a fun project.

Placing employment applications:

Your friend may be frightened, reluctant and fearful of placing other employment applications because of his or her dismissal. Offering him or her ongoing encouragement with respect to placing employment applications elsewhere may result in a new position for him or her, but will also give your friend a more positive self-image and outlook on his or her future.  

A word of caution, as your unemployed friend may expect you to take over his or her financial support, rather than finding new employment. While this may appear appropriate for a time, it could cost you your friendship. 

Encouraging your friend to become self-supportive by finding other employment is a much better idea. Remember that there are many kinds of support. For example, consider what Christian prayer support could mean to him or her.